Ode to a Six Year Old

I would be remiss in my blogging if I failed to mention Kyle's latest accomplishment. While he accomplishes many things, as a parent, I am overjoyed when those achievements include behavioral improvements.

Kyle is a very interactive and friendly child. As his teacher tactfully put it, "He would make a wonderful concierge". Unfortunately for Kyle, we are not yet at the point of honing his skills to a particular career. So we have had to work on getting him to do the assigned class work in the assigned class time without "helping" those around him.

When he returned to school from Winter Break, Kyle had been out of class for 3 weeks and his lack of focus highlighted this fact more than ever before. Mrs. Benton had devised a plan that would keep me in the loop by sending home a daily progress report ("Travel Card") that would show a sticker for completed work and what color of behavior day (green=good, yellow=borderline, etc) Kyle had at school. I tried to get him to focus on getting work done by taking away his Playstation time, giving him chores, taking Legos, etc. Nothing worked. Kyle continued to bring home poor travel cards for that first week of January.

After a particularly atrocious travel card, I was livid since Kyle didn't seem to be making any effort to fix his behavior. In a complete fury, I sent him to his room and told him that Dad and I would discuss what his consequences for not completing his work would be. Michael and I were stumped, but finally decided that if he was having a problem being too chatty then the best solution would be to deny him people to chat with.

When I retrieved Kyle from his room to announce the verdict, he was in tears. He sat on the couch and sobbed about how bad he felt that we would be embarrassed to have him behave so badly at school. (gulp) I got all choked up and glanced over at Michael in time to see him trying very hard not to crack up. (rolls eyes) Apparently, we were not on the same page emotionally.

I told Kyle that he would be in his room for the rest of the night. He would eat in there and could only come out to use the restroom with permission. He went into the room and I closed the door.

There was about 5 minutes of silence before the realization that he could not come out at ALL hit home. The wailing and gnashing of teeth began in ernest. He wailed about how sorry he was and how he would never do it again, etc. I was dying. I absolutely want to believe my kids even if I know what they are saying is total baloney. However, Michael and I took turns going in and reminding him of why he was there and how sorry we were that he was missing family time that night. He would knock on his door until we opened it and then tried to show us beautiful pictures he had drawn for us. ANYTHING to get someone to talk to him.

And he really was missing out. Kaitlyn came over to watch Kane while I turned the crib into a co-sleeper (and I'm pretty sure Kaitlyn is still traumatized by Kyle's ordeal). We ordered pizza & he ate it sitting on the floor of his room. It was Marian's first day of school at Aveda and she had lots to talk about. Overall, it was a perfect night for maximum impact of behavior consequences.

The next day....Kyle brought home a perfect travel card, and then another one the next day, and another, and another. We told him that we would get him the Playstation video game he had been begging for if he could earn 15 perfect travel cards.

I am very happy to report that on February 2nd, he handed me all 15 cards and we ordered his video game.

VICTORY, I thought....... and then yesterday he came home with all his work done, but he had his green AND yellow card taken away. His teacher wrote on the card, "Just too happy today". So, he lost the Playstation for the afternoon.

As I put him to bed last night, I reminded him that if he did not have a perfect travel card when he came home on Friday that he would not get to play the new video game that would be waiting for him. He promised he would have a great day.

Hopefully, today went well....

UPDATE: Who rocks?? The kid rocks!! Kyle is happily playing Disney's Pure. :)

Ooooooo.....shiny things!

Have I mentioned that my adorable 5 month old has the attention span of a.... well.... 5 month old? I realize it might be a bit much to ask him to concentrate on a documentary film, but you would think that something that is as basic as eating would be focus worthy. Kane wants the food delivered to his tummy, but not in a way that would hinder him from observing his world for even 30 seconds. This child would do great with a crazy straw. Unfortunately, I am not plumbed in anyway that resembles a crazy straw. Due to this obvious malfunction on my part, Kane has begun testing the elasticity of human breasts.

Gentleman, (if there are any that read this blog) feel free to depart this page at any point.

Ladies, can I hear an "amen"?

I realize that at this point the "pull and gawk" maneuver I have been experiencing is relatively mild considering the lack of teeth in the equation. However, as I gaze into the cloudy future of breastfeeding, I sense a throwdown coming my way.

Kane's innate curiosity of his surroundings is adorable to watch when he is not attached to my chest. However, I have begun to wonder if those stretch marks I am seeing are from actual stretching. Now I'm not saying that I am experiencing this, but this child is testing serious boundaries of the flesh. He is distracted by ANYTHING, a fly, someone clearing their throat in the backyard, the reflection of my ring on the ceiling... absolutely anything is up for consideration and he likes to take the nipple with him to observe.

I've been telling him "no" and detaching him, however this results in him thinking it is a fun "suck and detach" game which I want no part of. So, I've been putting "dinner" away and playing with him until he is ready to eat again. But I am concerned that I run the risk of promoting "snack time" by doing this. I know I've got to get this habit somewhat handled before teeth emerge, so I've begun searching for a crazy straw breast attachment. Let me know if you have any leads on that.

Yea, though I stagger thru the Valley of Sleep Depravation....

....I shall fear no evil because this is a pretty traumatic way to live.

Why do I punish myself by trying to "break habits" of a 5 month old (almost)?

Let me make one thing very clear. My son is NOT a "cry it out" kind of guy. Any attempt at doing this results in a derailed day & often night. He is a child that requires a calm mommy and a relaxed schedule. Different children require different strategies and so do their parents. One more thing I should make clear....I am not "hard-core" and I am fine with that. If I want to wear myself into a puddle meeting my child's needs, that is my choice. However, bowing to the advice of other parents and my DH criticism, I decided to make a concerted effort to get a regular sleep schedule going.

This is the third day (and night) I have spent watching the clock and enforcing a sleep routine. Kane seemed overtired to me, so I began to nap him after every two hours of awake time. Yes, I have been successful in getting HIM more sleep. No, this schedule does not give me more "freedom" for myself because I am constantly either feeding him, trying to exercise him, soothing him when he wakes up screaming or putting him down for his next nap.

So all of this preface leads me to regale you with the events from last night's disaster of a sleep routine. Kane obviously sensed that I was trying to box him into a schedule and managed to subvert all of my efforts. Following my 2 hour rule, he was due for bedtime at 7:30. He decided to have a leisurely meal instead, which I adapted to because full tummy equals more sleep, right? RIGHT? Nope, it actually means more energy for the tyke to defy you with.

I put him in the co-sleeper/crib/blanket storage at 8pm. He went along with it good-naturedly and laid in his crib talking in his pterodactyl voice to the dimmed light fixture. Mind you, this is not an "inside" voice, per se, but rather more of a primitive scream/yell monologue. Kyle was getting rather fed up with this situation since he was trying to go to sleep (I am so sure he was trying so hard.....*rolls eyes*). After letting this "self-soothing" go on for 30 min, I went in to try and speed up the process. (In fairness, he could have continued that squawking for hours and Kyle did have to go to school in the morning.) Low and behold, the child was so happy to see me that he threw a complete hissy fit.

I pulled myself up by my pajama bottoms and patted his bum for a min or so (to NO avail) and then left the room to set a timer. I proceeded to wait 1 min, then re-enter to comfort (which made no impact on the volume) and then to set the timer for 2 mins, and re-enter to comfort (again, with laughable results). So we did this....each time I waited another minute longer and then would ease into the room to offer comfort....FOR AN HOUR WITH NO DETECTABLE CHANGE! My husband grew so annoyed, he finally went in and picked him up and walked him to sleep. (Now who's breaking the rules, huh??)

Finally, blessed silence! Now my DH and I got to do what we had been planning for days! Yes...that's right....THE BUDGET! :) However, no sooner than we had gotten through half of it, than Kane resurfaced greatly refreshed from his little siesta. This was about the point where I decided....FINE! BE AWAKE THEN! And so Kane partied until around 11pm.

The night past in a blur of feedings and fussing (6 times that I counted between midnight and 7am) and I finally got out of bed to feed him around 4:30. My plan was to stay awake enough to get a complete feeding in so he would sleep and leave me ALONE. As I sat in the living room rocking my nursing infant, I heard a loud crash from the bedroom. Thinking Kyle had fallen out of bed, I called Michael to check on him. My sheepish husband appeared in the room to tell me that he had wrestled with the nightstand and lost by a roundhouse punch to the side of his head. Apparently, all of the nighttime wakings are making my husband have dreams that he is wrestling with people. In retrospect, it was fortuitous that I got up to nurse at that point.

And so, we had an eventful night.....which has led me to deal with a baby who laughs in the face of my stupid 2 hour idea today. I think I'll go eat worms.

Dear, darling, new baby

With the arrival of my second son, I have come to see a side of myself that I was unaware of previously. Much like a recruit would find inner reserves of strength during boot camp, I have discovered that I am able to function on infinitely small amounts of sleep and food. I was unprepared for this level of sacrifice and blithely assumed that I could mold this newcomer into an infant with a reasonable schedule. Wrong. I was woefully wrong.

Today, I watched an adorable four month old throw the biggest fit of his fit throwing career (small but illustrious) And why would this child do such a thing? Well, since he began his solid food strike yesterday, a simple thing like preparing cereal & (gasp) sitting down to eat it became a battleground. Yet, this struggle stretches back a bit further than yesterday.

Kane began his life with a few hiccups: acid reflux, breastfeeding issues, and slower than expected growth. Like any child who is sick or hurt, we rush to their aid and contort ourselves every which way to help ease their suffering. He began sleeping with me when he came home from the hospital....and never quit. He is obsessed with skin contact and even refuses to sleep for any length of time without some body part touching mine. Due to this situation, my dh was evicted from the bed and has relegated himself to the couch. He says he doesn't mind, but I mind very, very much. So I attached the crib as a "co-sleeper" to my bed but so far it has only been used for blanket storage.

Yesterday, I became DETERMINED to bend him to my will and became acquainted with the Mr. Hyde that resides inside my child. Attempting to create a schedule, I listed out the nursing and nap times and read them to him....just in case he knows English. In a fit of pique, Kane turned the household on its proverbial ear by refusing to take a nap longer than 5-10 minutes or to nurse any longer than about 3 minutes every 45-60 minutes. I was beside myself by 10:30pm and yet nothing worked to ease the situation except complete capitulation to a "baby-led" schedule. So, I crumbled. I'm only human and I needed to live so I could fight another day.

When morning dawned, I faced the day with an eye to the big picture and a headache the size of Texas. Today went surprisingly well and I was patting myself on the back for taking a more relaxed view of the desired schedule. I patted too soon. I assumed that Kane's good humor would extend to resuming his intake of solid foods. As I sat down at the table with him in my arms, he took a look at the dish and spoon and proceeded to make every effort to fling himself to the floor. Nothing appeased him, except facing him away from the table... which didn't help the feeding process. So I resolved to get one bite in and see if he remembered how delightful food was. He did not. Spitting, screaming, and, arching; the tiny food critic informed me that the food was not up to his expectations. I managed to hang on to him and mop him up.

After removing him from the kitchen to calm down, I re-entered and once my rear hit the chair, Kane threw the most incredibly comprehensive fit I have ever witnessed. I did not attempt to feed him. I simply sat there, holding him, and waiting for him to figure out I was not feeding him. Ten minutes, people, ten minutes went by before he calmed. He never did open his eyes. Just screamed and arched himself to sleep. The noise attracted Michael, who was working from home today, and he watched in amazement as the storm blew itself out. If I had thought of it, I would have taken pictures or video, but I was a bit occupied by these events and missed my opportunity.

Now Kane is resting... touching me, of course, and I will now take this moment to pop a few Advil and close my eyes.

New Beginnings

The rush of pregnancy hormones and my big sister's new blog have prompted me to resume my own long forgotten blog. Nothing quite like competition and contractions to get you going! I would like to believe that my posts will be full of insightful wisdom, but in reality I'll feel a sense of accomplishment if I post more than once a month. :) As a mother and a graduate student I often feel as if I face a unique set of challenges than other working moms. I've struggled with balancing the demands of being a 24 hour mother (yes, you are still a worried mother when your child is in daycare) and an energetic grad student. Hopefully, blogging about my hoopla will give my friends and sisters a bit of a break from my incessant whining. Now, they will just be required to read and comment on it. :)

Two weeks from today, Sept 2nd, my routine life will be interrupted by a new addition to my little family. While this is wonderful and exciting news, I am also faced with cramming practicum credit hours and a few journalistic pieces into my life before my fall term begins on Sept 27th. This will be cake, right? RIGHT? As you can imagine, I am frantic and stressed in my head, but my body is really lazy and doesn't want to type anything related to my master's program. Of course, I talk myself up and sit down and type about 500 words before I find myself gazing out the window or popping up for another trip to the bathroom (stupid bladder!).

The problem is that grad school requires you to be a "yes" person. "Yes, I would love to write a piece on the American Terrorist Perspective!" "Yes, I can't think of anything more fun than transcribing hours of exit interviews with African refugees!" "Yes, I can be in Portland for that conference!" "Yes, I'm registered for fall term only 25 days after giving birth!" And I truly mean all of those statements! I love my grad program and would be devastated to give it up. I find it interesting and stimulating. It gives me purpose and a sense of accomplishment, as well as providing interesting conversation material in my marriage.

This summer has been the first time in four years that I have taken a summer off from school. I was worried about how I would do as a "stay-at-home" mom to my busy six year old, since I am not a patient person. These past couple of months have been extraordinarily rewarding, fun, and happy. Yes, I am surprised! Kyle is a fabulous kiddo, but I feel like I discover new things about this growing person that I love and admire. Without this summer, I would never have had the opportunity to focus on him so completely. Even though I have taken on a few projects with school, I find myself more drawn to his play and exuberant attitude for life. This must be why some lucky moms choose to stay at home! I have no regrets with going back to school; only new found appreciation for this little man in my life.

I'll be the first to admit that juggling both worlds is difficult at best and impossible at worst. However, I know that my life will always be this complicated, so I'm learning to ride the wave and let go of my guilt over what I am not able to accomplish.